"Inconvenience Caused is Regretted"

The number of places that I find this particular phrase in is, to my supreme irritation, on the increase. Take, for example, the official mail that came in today at my workplace. The administration department regretted to inform us that, irrespective of the fact that it has started pouring cats and dogs, those of us who wished to commute in our four-wheelers should fend for themselves when it came to finding parking space for their vehicles.

What they were effectively trying to tell us, in other words, was, "Folks, we appreciate - although reluctantly - that you try to come to work for us even in the face of severely trying, and often impossible, road and weather conditions, but if you think we're going to lift a finger trying to help you park your vehicles safely, then we urge you to think again. We're not used to doing things like taking such spaces as may be available on lease in order to make your lives easier; no sir (or madam - we always like to be politically correct, and urge you to follow our example)! Besides, we're busy doing whatever it takes to make our top management's lives easier, not to mention fattening their already fat pay-cheques. You see, that's how we can score brownie points, not by such mindless and cost-incurring activities like replacing broken floorboards near your desks, faulty air conditioning systems that may freeze you or make you sweat, or highly uncomfortable chairs that may make your backs sore. (In case you're wondering, that's also why we require nothing less than two approvals - manual, no less - from your immediate manager, and from his immediate manager, for addition of RAM on your team's development PCs. You see, we know from past experiences that such "approval-seeking" behaviour will make you realise that you're fighting against powers that are infinitely more patient, more immune to negative feedback, and hopelessly more bureaucratic than your puny self ever imagined us capable of being)

"In fact, we'd like to bring to your attention that since we never asked nor encouraged you, by word or deed, to buy four-wheelers as opposed to fuel-efficient two-wheelers, it's entirely up to you to find, using your wit and other resources that may (or, what's more likely since you work for us, may not) be at your disposal, to butt other people's vehicles out of their parked spaces and park yours. Yes, we're conscious of the degradation of our ecology caused by these smoke-billowing, fuel-guzzling broad roadsters, and are doing our best to discourage further ruin of the environment by these beasties. We're sure you appreciate our concern for the greater good.

"Oh, and in case you thought we didn't, we deeply regret the inconvenience that this may cause you."

The way to a man's heart

....is through his stomach. Or that's what Bush seems to be indicating in this picture ;-)

Am happy India is out of the "world" cup

I'm very sure people will curse me for saying this, call me unpatriotic, and some other names perhaps, but here's an article by the Economic Times which tells you in no uncertain terms that this loss is very good for India. Now, don't you dare call me unpatriotic.

These aside, my personal reasons for being elated about this are:

1. No sport, and certainly not cricket - which is played (in a meaningful way) by only a handful of countries - deserves this kind of mad, almost rabid, following, and certainly not the Indian cricket team which does nothing by way of achievement on the field. Most certainly not in a country where the average Indian is struggling to make ends meet whileas the cricketer earns a cool Rs.100k for a match irrespective of the result.
2. I lost my respect for the team, and my hatred was ready to burst, when they threatened to not play in the previous World Cup due to disagreement with the BCCI over payment! Now, I'm quite aware that this is the era of multi-million rupee deals, but certainly, the pride of playing for your country should mean something? To these players to whom money is everything, that's obviously not the case!
3. The Indian team does not seem to put its heart and soul into its efforts on the field, thus paving the way for teams like Bangladesh to beat us; for teams like NZ, WI, and almost any other team, to create records at our expense. This sucks!
4. Cricket is really a lazy man's game - besides the batsmen in the middle, the bowler and, to an extent, the wicketkeeper and the fielder to / past whom the ball is hit, the rest of the people can really cool their heels. Not my idea of active sports.
5. Then there's the pace of the game - among the slowest of all sports, though that dramatically changes when India is at the receiving end (as it usually is).
6. Cricket is only as much, if not less of, an international game as kabaddi is, even if the mighty US starts playing it. Or to put it another way, for all the reasons that the baseball "World Series" is played by the entire world, cricket is an international game.

Disclaimer:
a. Am not an armchair critic. That's because I'm a couch critic ;-)
b. Though I've never showed any recognisable aptitude for cricket ever, I've never really cared for it, preferring individual sports like tennis, table tennis and badminton instead.
c. And believe me, I know how it hurts when I lose. I don't think that can be said of all the members of our team - a few don't seem to mind it much. But what do I know, they may have been men inspired by Kipling's "If" where he exhorts us to treat success and failure as one and the same.
d. Hey, these reasons are personal - if you don't like them, tell me and I'll try to make you see my point of view.

Thank you Reliance

You might have heard about the old joke (PJ?) about one of our former Presidents 'Gnani' (why did they call him that? Was he such a wise man?) Zail Singh and how terrible his English was. Anyway, the joke goes that Indira Gandhi, the then PM, wanted to improve his English and so sent him to the US to be coached by the then President, Reagan. After a few months, she decided to check up on his progress. Imagine her surprise when, at the JFK airport, she's greeted by a smiling Reagan who says "aayiye, aayiye" (welcome, welcome in Hindi)!

Well, the context for the remembrance is the awful customer service experience with my service provider, Reliance. Whenever I call their customer care,
a. I have to listen to their awful music
b. I have to listen to the falsely cheerful, pre-recorded voice which promises to reward me for my patience if I wait for a few hundred more minutes!
c. I have to talk to one of their customer service executives whose English is so bad that I have picked up a lot of Hindi explaining my problems to them
d. Repeat c. until you puke

Federer and Sampras - two great champions

What can you say about these two supreme athletes and tennis champions? One of them was 19 and the other, exactly ten years his senior, but both of them in a league all their own. This is the one and only recorded match (as far as I know) between Pistol Pete and Fed Ex, but what a humdinger of a match! Though the clip only shows the highlights, it's not difficult to imagine the quality that these two geniuses brought to the game: one of them on his way out of the sport, and the other just finding his feet in the professional circuit, but already exhibiting signs of a rare blossom. It's ten-plus minutes of sublime, other-worldly tennis.

As I watched the clip, it struck me that the Master really came into his own while volleying (especially the overhead and the drop-/stop- volleys), whereas the Heir, though proving himself no slouch at volleying, was very much a master in his own right from the back of the court, often stranding his legendary opponent with the ferocity of his strokes. Alas, it's really difficult to say who was the better player that day!

Another Fed Ex masterclass moment; sit back and enjoy!

Going where no man has...

I've heard it said of the 1999 Wimbledon final match between Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi - the match which Sampras won in straight sets - as being a display of Peerless Pete's virtuosity. Sadly, I never got to watch the match except some highlights. The same sad story continued today when I could only read reports of, not watch live, Roger Federer's demolition of Andy Roddick in straight sets at the 2007 Australian Open.

In 1999, Agassi claimed, after having lost the match, "He walked on water." I wonder what Roddick will have to say about his 83-minute annihilation. Consider this: just prior to the start of the tournament, Roddick had defeated Federer in an exhibition match; only a few months earlier, he'd held match point against Federer. Reports continued to keep pouring in about how much Andy had closed the gap between himself and Federer in the last one year after having Jimmy Connors as his coach. And then this! Andy said after the match, "It was frustrating. It sucked. It was terrible. Besides that, it was fine." I feel sorry for you Andy, but maybe you should consider going to Nadal and picking up a thing or two before he reaches your present despondent state.

Links:
An interesting, on-going comparison between the lives of two of tennis' greatest players. This is one for the bookmarks.
An emotional article by The Hindu's Nirmal Shekar in which he also lists his top-10 list of Sampras' victories.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday in advance SP! May your life be full of pleasant surprises; may the sounds of laughter always fill your life. God bless! Love.

I met Dr.SP Balasubramaniam!

Yes, I really did. I was talking to my parents yesterday outside the departure terminal at Madras airport, when a familiar figure walked right in, wearing a maroon shirt. I was not entirely sure it was he, but I got a good look at his face when he turned to acknowledge the greeting of the security guard - evidently a fan too. Now, I was impatient to get in and see if I could overcome my natural timidity and speak to the great man.

I checked in, cleared the security check and waited anxiously in the departure lounge. Yes, I was actually worried that I would miss him. On hindsight, I realise that I needn't have been, since he would have had to cross where I was standing. But you know, hindsight is always a bad teacher - it gives you the comb after you've lost your hair ;-)

He walked past me, and after checking that his flight's boarding call had not been made, chose a quiet corner to read the magazine that he was carrying. I was debating with myself about the wisdom of disturbing his privacy when I saw a lady accompany her daughter and getting his autograph; out went all my "against" arguments! I walked up to him, greeted him with "Good morning, Mr.Balu Sir", and gushed forth my appreciation of his songs, and how I was a huge fan of his. I mentioned that I'd recently listened to the song "Mouname paarvayaal" from Anbe Sivam (I must thank her for this), and that I'd liked it immensely. He seemed pleased (he was smiling throughout my brief interaction with him), and mentioned, with a touch of regret I thought, that the song wasn't included in the movie, but that it was good. I couldn't but agree.

Then I told him that I was too thrilled to just meet him, and that it was my privilege to talk to him for as long as I did. He actually said, "I'm blessed"! When I tried to tell him that it was us, his fans, who were blessed to be enjoying his incomparable voice for such a long time, he stopped me short and said, "We're not larger than life. This kind of a thing [fame] happens to great musicians all the time. Your wishes mean a lot to me." I was touched.

By this time, a group of people had gathered near the area waiting for their turn, and I excused myself. As I was leaving, I wished him the very best. The great man he is, he asked me my name and thanked me again. I couldn't have asked for anything more to add to my treasure-chest of special memories.

It rained quite unexpectedly, but I enjoyed it

You know, it rained today, here at Pune. The October heat had been punishing in its intensity so far, and the respite given by the rain gods was quite welcome. Just as it began pouring, I went downstairs to unlock my bike and leave it out in the rain, so it could get washed. I got drenched in the process of course, but then, being with you for two years has not been a period devoid of learning.

I have learnt to appreciate the beauty of rains in this city - the intensity, the aftermath, everything. I have only heard you describe your love of the rain - how, contrary to a lot of others' feelings for it, you actually enjoy watching the downpour; how, instead of making you feel depressed by its gloominess, it actually enlivened you - so much so that once you went out with your niece and danced in the rain, but I can visualise your happy laughter. I am not similarly talented in the department of dancing, having, as I do, two left feet, but if I could, I would have because I actually celebrated the rain today - the first time in a long, long time.

For you, I hope that, wherever you are, you are blessed with a man who understands and cherishes you, and a warm home. Of course, having your home located in a beautiful area, with someone indulging you everyday with your morning cup of "chai", newspapers, furniture with upholstery matching the house's decor - these would be nice too. I hope you're really, really happy, and get everything you wish for, because you deserve nothing less than that.

Occasional, torrential rains shouldn't hurt either.

The silent penance continues

I suppose it's okay to make this post as long as I don't disclose names and identify individuals. With that, let me go on.

He is simply unable to get on with his life. Sure, he goes to work and doesn't skip his daily and week-end routine, but I can see that his heart is simply not in it, except when he plays badminton with me. Otherwise, his face has that look which is all too readable to anyone who cares to notice. To wit, he has become a zombie.

I've stopped trying to tell him that she has now gone beyond his reach - you can't inform a man who already knows; you don't need to tell a fish which is out of water that it's going to die - it knows instinctively, but it can't stop thrashing all the same.

I can see him suffering silently. Sometimes, he sets off on his new bike and vanishes for an hour, but when he comes back, it's evident that he has gone on his "pilgrimage" - a visit to the places they used to frequent, and also her last places of residence. I've never seen him cry, and but for the tear stains, I wouldn't have known he was even capable of crying.

Sometimes, I point out to him that his "pilgrimage" does not seem to be helping him at all; that it only seems to deepen his pain. But he doesn't seem to listen, or maybe he feels that his pain is atonement for the grave mistake he'd committed. To him, she was the one, and the memory of how he'd let her go after her heart-breaking entreaties was painful to him beyond words.

I try not to judge him. After all, who can say what's the right thing - right and wrong are extremely subjective even otherwise, and more so in these cases. Especially when a man who has never cried since he passed out of school sobs in front of you, you don't want to be caught judging because his remorse is genuine, even if in vain.

My First Web Community Service ;-)

Today, I made my first ever technical post on the web - something that's not a reply to someone's question. I know it's no big deal, that there are people who have contributed so very much, but hey, I've got to make a beginning, ain't I? As a matter of fact, it's yet to be "approved" by a moderator and published, but I'm confident it will be. If you see a How-to article for connecting to Google Talk from Ubuntu (Dapper Drake) in the Ubuntu Forums, then you know it's me ;-)

The post should be available at http://ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?p=1871266&highlight=gtalk+http+proxy#post1871266

North Indians and other people with attitudes

A friend of mine, a staunch hater or anything N.Indian, recently pointed me to this post. As I read it, and I couldn't but help agree with most of the observations. Now, let me clarify: I'm not a hater of "Northies", as they are commonly known, but I do have certain reservations about the way they portray themselves. I also readily acknowledge that these observations are highly eneralised, and not all N.Indians are guilty of them. In fact, I have a few N.Indians with whom I get along without any problems, or with as many problems as I have with other Indians.

That said, their attitude towards S.Indians is ire-raising, to say the least. What tops the list is their expectation, no, that's too weak a word, demand that every S.Indian be able to speak Hindi. You know, as if it's a mandate. Hindi may be a national language, but a lot of the S.Indian languages are official languages too. And if English was good enough to be the language in which the constitution was drafted, then I suppose it should be good enough for anybody else in this country.

Equally irritating is their ignorant assumption that all S.Indians are Madrasis, and S.Indian food = idli sambar. It's possible to simply ignore it as the joke of ignoramuses, but what gets my goat is their mocking tone. Even if we assume all S.Indians live on idli and sambar (which they do not), what's it about chappathi and dhaal that makes it inherently superior? Dietary habits have probably evolved as a result of geographical conditions, physical energy needs, tastes, etc., so I find nothing funny about Rajasthanis eating bajra or Andhra people favouring pickles.

What's pitiful about all this is even some of my colleagues indulge in this stupidity. Of course, I should have known better than to assume that education bestows uncommon sense when reality screams otherwise. For, it's the educated people who think it's a sign of cleverness if they travel without tickets - the uneducated simply are unaware; it's the educated who know that bribery is wrong and still justify it by claiming "everybody does it" - the uneducated simply don't think enough to make such justifications; it's the educated who show a scanty disregard for corporate parking spaces - the uneducated are generally not rich enough to own vehicles; it's the educated who travel far and wide and litter all those places with their plastics - the uneducated are mostly content in their home towns.

People, let's try and understand this much - we've been given an education not because it's a means to earn more money, but because it gives us an opportunity to widen our horizons. We're all one species, albeit with inevitable individual differences. Instead of allowing these differences to divide us, it behooves us to learn to tolerate them at least, and respect them if we can. And as thinking beings, let's learn to talk civilly about our differences, not berate one another.

Top 10 Sci-Fi Cliches

Here's a list of some of the most cliched concepts in Sci-fi movies - you know, those so-called "concepts" that make you sigh and wonder what on earth happened to good science fiction:
Part 1 and Part 2

Makes you go, "Hey, I've thought of that myself" - especially when you think of "Red Heat" and how Arnie's (and his girl friend's of course) eyeballs go all screwy when they get out of the all-encompassing enclosure.

Yahoo Mail Beta

For such a wonderful Web application, Yahoo Mail Beta could have done just that little bit more and made Opera users too realize what all those rave reviews are about. Instead, they have chosen to leave them in the lurch, and force them to use other browsers if they want to experience the polish of their beta.

Make no mistake - Yahoo Mail Beta really stretches the limits of what a web application can do. I hate to say this, but it even makes Gmail's interface look positively crude. They've almost made it look like one particular Microsoft application that we all know of. Maybe it's not so incidental then that they have shut out users of Opera - one of the rebel browsers that have overwhelmed IE in features and security.

A tube-station

One of the photographs that I'm very proud of has a blurred subject! Well, I hope the reason is obvious - even as the rest of the station is clearly captured, the train is a moving blur.