Obituary

Dear Proof Reader,

I can’t begin to say how much I regret having to write this, for never had I imagined that anybody would have the heart to kill you. Nor has it been a quiet passing! You, the eternal guardian of quality writing, the unseen benefactor who has saved the jobs of thousands of honest middle-class reporters, the tireless worker who slogged day and night on a thankless job have been found murdered, brutally, in cold blood.

By those very people whom you sought to protect. Those vandals of the English language for whom a sentence well written has no great benefit; those savages who cannot appreciate a word well chosen even if their lives were at stake – the very people who would have benefitted immensely had they only bothered to look at your noble life.

But then, you should have seen your end coming. After all, headlines like “Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter” could not have been but a body blow to you. “Miners Refuse to Work after Death” should have made it amply clear to you that they were baying for your blood. If anybody had sought to reassure you, then “If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile” should have made you think otherwise. Alas! The eternal optimist that you were, you perhaps thought that these were but erring children, misinformed and misguided for sure, but who meant well and who would surely learn sooner or later. If “Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges” dealt a stunning blow, then it was “Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead” that killed you, as the post-mortem revealed later.

Yet, your life has not been for nothing. You’ve had the satisfaction of working with famous writers, excellent editors, and budding geniuses; of steering many an aspiring writer on the path to Correct Writing; of a job well done.

Thank you for the message that is your life: well begun may be half done, but it isn’t done until ‘tis done well. RIP.

(This was written after reading a forwarded email that I got earlier. Any errors in this article only further justify this post.)